Archive for the 'Humor' Category
English Language
This is very clever! No wonder people who are trying to learn English become so confused – I guess we just take it for granted as we grow up with learning the idiosyncrasies of the English language. Have fun reading through it.
Can you read these right the first time?
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The [...]
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A good pun is it’s own re-word
Energizer Bunny arrested – charged with battery.
A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.
Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot [...]
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Assumptions
A couple go on holiday to a fishing resort. The husband likes to fish at sunrise. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the area, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a [...]
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Aussie Technology
Suddenly, a whole lot of things make much more sense…
LOG ON:
Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.
LOG OFF:
Not adding any more wood to the barbie.
MONITOR:
Keeping an eye on the barbie.
DOWNLOAD:
Getting the firewood off the ute.
HARD DRIVE:
Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.
KEYBOARD:
Where you hang the ute keys.
WINDOW:
What you shut when the weather’s cold.
SCREEN:
What [...]
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Mistranslation
In a non english cemetery:
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
On the grounds of a private school:
No trespassing without permission.
Tokyo hotel’s rules and regulations:
Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviours in bed.
Hotel notice, [...]
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There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand.
This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).
If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.
This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket [...]
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PEA SEA
Eye have a spelling cheque, it came with my pea sea, it plainly Marques four my revue Miss takes eye can knot sea.
Eye strike the quays and type a Word and weight four it two say, Weather I am rite oar wrong, it shows me strait aweigh.As soon as a mist ache is maid it [...]
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Stupid blonde
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that…….
* she called me to get my phone number.
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said “concentrate.”
* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
*she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.
*she sent me a [...]
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Crack Found on Governor’s Daughter
(imagine that!)
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
(no, really?)
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
(now that’s taking things a bit far!)
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
(not if I wipe thoroughly!)
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
(what a guy!)
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
(good-for-nothin’ lazy so-and-sos!)
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting [...]
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Blind Pilots
Two men dressed in Pilots’ uniforms walk up the aisle of the plane.
Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up.
The [...]
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